fatty fatty two by four

I feel extra fat these days.

If you removed my gut, I would not look necessarily bad - gaping hole aside. I am quite tall, and therefore do not look particularly grotesque at my worst.

But these days my eating habits and my laziness have taken their toll-houses on me, and I feel more bloaty and awful than usual. (Did you get that? Toll-house, as in cookie, as in fatty fatty two by four, can't get enough of them cookie-licious goods.)

My favorite extravagances these days are caramel frappucinos, which, once you remove the whip cream, aren't as bad as they could be. I also like Chinese food, pizza, and have recently discovered Chipotle's burrito bowls. Their chicken is to expand for.

I'm not saying these are the only foods I eat. But these are the best/worst ones. I do my best to eat salads and Lean Cuisines and drink loads of water (despite what Penn & Teller say). But ultimately, my weak will and strong desires get the better of me. And exercise? Oh, that's two four-letter words, my friend. "Exer", which is Latin for "repetitive motion", and "cise" roughly translates as "to slice fat from the bone". No pain, no gain, no chocolate flan.

I am fortunate in that my wife is not only loving and supportive, but thinks I'm still Superman. Which is nice in those low, self-hating moments of doubt that crop up every few hours. If only my tights still fit.