sargasso blog
There comes a time when you simply have to flush out all the scraps of paper and seemingly clever asides and topical rants and just put them down, stop waiting, get rid of them from your already cluttered desk. This would be that thing.
-OSCAR POST PARTUM
Paul Giamatti. Uma Thurman. Javier Bardem. Yeah, I'm still pretty shocked. I always think "maybe next year". But I know better. Hollywood is a strange, strange planet.
-THE OVERT PIZZA OF WRATH (with a +2 Dexterity)
I saw this just a few days ago: while playing Everquest 2 online, you apparently can type in "/pizza" and your browser will open an order form for your local Pizza Hut. This clever example of cross-marketing falls somewhere between brilliant and despicable, and I don't know what to make of it. Rated "T" for Toppings.
-ANOTHER SALUTE TO THE DOCTOR
Whether you like Doonesbury or not, you had to take your hat off to Garry Trudeau's spot-on tribute to Hunter S. Thompson, inspiration for the strip's character Duke. I liked it. So there.
-WORST...E-MAIL...EVER
I received a choice little piece of horrific spam earlier this week. From "Kurdish O. Corrector", either a phenomenally clever cover-name or a ridiculously unfortunate real moniker, came the message "Hello Mr. Steven Norwood". From this plainly direct opener alone, I could only guess how many awful sorts of things lie in wait, but I managed to be shocked anyway. In order to preserve the sanctity of Controlled Burning, I have decided to transcribe it here in true Madlibs fashion. I have not changed any of the incorrect spellings or grammatical errors found within (at least, on the words I haven't deleted):
"Hello dear Steven Norwood
We ask you to remember this five simple rules to treat the gir1s right:
1. Remember - You are The Boss and You are The Master. All the girlls in the world are yours.
2. Forget "sweetheart", "honey", "darling" and other stupid words. You need one word - _____.
3. Never ask _____s if and how they like it. Just ____ them the way U want.
4. Make _____s _____ and ______, they gonna love it. Then, _____ your ____ right into their ____s.
5. Get to this site to see _____ _____ action and _____ _____ ___. We do not promise, we simply deliver."
(pause for a quick shower to clean the slime off)
I did not click on the URL provided. That would have been tempting the nastiest web gods.
Some things are better left alone. Some things are better burned in a horrible house fire. The server this message came from deserves to be incinerated and its ashes used to line the foundation of a maximum-security prison.
-IDOL OPINIONS
Bo Bice and Nadia what'shername are awesome. The rest are cluttering up the stage. Paula Abdul needs to realize that constructive criticism doesn't mean saying "you're awesome, you're such a star". Simon Cowell needs to stop prefacing his comments with "I'll be honest" and just say what he thinks, instead of dressing it up with obscure references to Tasmanian Nightclubs and such falderal.
-HOSTAGE
It's a much better movie than anyone's giving it credit. Very tense and heavy for a popcorn thriller. But fun to sit through. Give Bruce Willis a few more dollars and feel the love.
Okay...the rest gets shredded...that's it.
-OSCAR POST PARTUM
Paul Giamatti. Uma Thurman. Javier Bardem. Yeah, I'm still pretty shocked. I always think "maybe next year". But I know better. Hollywood is a strange, strange planet.
-THE OVERT PIZZA OF WRATH (with a +2 Dexterity)
I saw this just a few days ago: while playing Everquest 2 online, you apparently can type in "/pizza" and your browser will open an order form for your local Pizza Hut. This clever example of cross-marketing falls somewhere between brilliant and despicable, and I don't know what to make of it. Rated "T" for Toppings.
-ANOTHER SALUTE TO THE DOCTOR
Whether you like Doonesbury or not, you had to take your hat off to Garry Trudeau's spot-on tribute to Hunter S. Thompson, inspiration for the strip's character Duke. I liked it. So there.
-WORST...E-MAIL...EVER
I received a choice little piece of horrific spam earlier this week. From "Kurdish O. Corrector", either a phenomenally clever cover-name or a ridiculously unfortunate real moniker, came the message "Hello Mr. Steven Norwood". From this plainly direct opener alone, I could only guess how many awful sorts of things lie in wait, but I managed to be shocked anyway. In order to preserve the sanctity of Controlled Burning, I have decided to transcribe it here in true Madlibs fashion. I have not changed any of the incorrect spellings or grammatical errors found within (at least, on the words I haven't deleted):
"Hello dear Steven Norwood
We ask you to remember this five simple rules to treat the gir1s right:
1. Remember - You are The Boss and You are The Master. All the girlls in the world are yours.
2. Forget "sweetheart", "honey", "darling" and other stupid words. You need one word - _____.
3. Never ask _____s if and how they like it. Just ____ them the way U want.
4. Make _____s _____ and ______, they gonna love it. Then, _____ your ____ right into their ____s.
5. Get to this site to see _____ _____ action and _____ _____ ___. We do not promise, we simply deliver."
(pause for a quick shower to clean the slime off)
I did not click on the URL provided. That would have been tempting the nastiest web gods.
Some things are better left alone. Some things are better burned in a horrible house fire. The server this message came from deserves to be incinerated and its ashes used to line the foundation of a maximum-security prison.
-IDOL OPINIONS
Bo Bice and Nadia what'shername are awesome. The rest are cluttering up the stage. Paula Abdul needs to realize that constructive criticism doesn't mean saying "you're awesome, you're such a star". Simon Cowell needs to stop prefacing his comments with "I'll be honest" and just say what he thinks, instead of dressing it up with obscure references to Tasmanian Nightclubs and such falderal.
-HOSTAGE
It's a much better movie than anyone's giving it credit. Very tense and heavy for a popcorn thriller. But fun to sit through. Give Bruce Willis a few more dollars and feel the love.
Okay...the rest gets shredded...that's it.
posted by scn at 4:44 PM
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