great grinning american icons, and the rest of you

More unconnected items:

1) Whiskey River, don't run dry...

Willie Nelson turns 72 today.

One of the few pre-college jobs I held was working in the Capri Theater in Panama City, Florida one summer when Honeysuckle Rose was playing. And it felt like it played all summer long. This was a serio-comic tale of an aging country singer (Nelson) who falls for his best friend's daughter (played by a young Amy Irving) while on tour, much to the chagrin of his wife, said friend, the whole band, you name it. It's a little maudlin at times. But there is some fun stuff in the film, and the music is good, and Willie Nelson is a very watchable character, in any medium.

So here's to you, you great grinning American icon, you. We love you, man.

2) What about ET? You bastards!

Researchers at the University of London took a poll and have come out with a list of favorite family-friendly films. They claim that the following movies had the right balance for safe, happy, 21st -century family viewing:

BEST -- Back To The Future
RUNNERS UP -- Any Harry Potter film, Home Alone and...The Goonies?

Dear God, wasn't England an actual empire of forbidding strength at one point? And out of the vast pantheon of films they chose The Goonies? Home Alone is actually pushing it, but The Goonies?

Now that I think about it, this might be a clever trick by Hollywood to get back at them for that whole taxation-without-representation thing that got so much press a while back.

3) Legolas, don't leave home without it

The papers are all a-flurry with the story of how Orlando Bloom stiffed a fancy Brazilian restaurant out of a $750 bill. The Ents told him, always carry enough cash in case the card reader breaks down.

4) The Height Of Creepy

Entertainment Tonight is proud that it has won the exclusive rights to footage of the Mary Kay LeTourneau/Vili Fualaau wedding. In case you forgot, Le Tourneau (age 43) is the former teacher convicted of raping her former sixth-grade student (Fualaau, now age 22), for which she served a 7 1/2-year sentence. Released last August, the two now plan to marry. They say they are very much in love. Their two daughters, ages 7 and 6, will act as flower girls at the ceremony.

Now, let's do our math, students: if a woman age 43 has spent over 7 years in jail, and has 2 children ages 7 and 6 with a man who is age 22, who gets the royalties from the tell-all when they divorce in 3 years?

5) -logues

Recently read about Latinologues and The Panza Monologues, two stage shows focusing on Latin American culture. After The Vagina Monologues, Marijuanalogues, and every other -logue I have read about in the past 2-3 years, I think it's time for this practice to end. Right after the following shows complete their upcoming runs:

The Panda Monologues -- Ling Ling and Chim Chi, two Pandas captive since birth, discuss the hardships of zoo life and the overbearing panda stereotypes in American culture.

The Panzer Monologues -- a trio of German tank commanders reminisce about the better times in WWII Europe, when chocolates and nylons got you a lot further than they do today.

The Fanta Monologues -- Those wacky, sexy, dancing, singing, globe-hopping Fanta models talk about the hardships of spokesperson life and the harsh stereotypes of women in the advertising industry and fashion-color management.

6) Good Guide, Bad Union

The film adaptation of the late Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy was surprisingly good. Consistently funny, well-designed, and loaded with a really effective cast, it won over the audience I saw it with (applause is so rare these days) as well as Crys, who went in thinking "Ehhhh..." and came out highly pleased. Mos Def, Sam Rockwell, Martin Freeman, Alan Rickman and the ever-delightful Bill Nighy were all terrific. The sets and effects were dandy. The whole film looked very much like something Terry Gilliam would have made if he cheered up and kept his mouth shut around the investors.

On the other hand, XXX-State Of The Union was a bad, loud, displeasing action flick where no rap song is too loud, no black stereotype is too embarrassing, and no scene goes without something being blowed-up-good. And then there is the matter of Nona Gaye's moustache...

Trivial observation: I believe that Willem Dafoe and Arnold Schwarzenegger have identical teeth. Gappy, scary, reach-out-and-pierce-you teeth. The teeth of nightmarish conquests.

I am very proud of my new business cards.